silent night? what’s that?

Dear Neighbors:

Thank you for sharing your surround-sound entertainment center with the rest of the building. Although I’m not sure exactly what it is you’re watching in the middle of the night, it seems to involve massive explosions, roller derby, stampeding elephants and heavy metal music performed by a bunch of sixth-graders. Surely there must be a volume control on this wonder of technology. Just a guess, but infomercials for Ginzu knives are not any better because the room vibrates every time the host cuts into a tomato.

Dear Mr. Fixit,

Interior decorating is a wonderful thing, but really, removing walls and hanging massive works of art probably doesn’t need to be done at 2 a.m.

To the lovebirds downstairs:

Ah, romance! Or lust, or whatever that is you’re doing. Do you think you could keep your mating rituals down to a whisper? At least, agree to just holding hands and gazing into each others’ eyes after midnight? I almost thought you were the other guy who likes to tear out walls late at night.

To the kids hanging around outside,

You have broken a record for number of times a car door can slam in a minute. 137. Yeah, I counted. Well done. Just one thing… a conversation between two people doesn’t have to be shouted so the whole world can hear. People don’t become more deaf as it gets darker at night. Trust me on this. Some of us don’t care what happened at the bar, man.


One response to “silent night? what’s that?

  1. How funny and perceptive. Great post. I have one to add;
    Dear guy with the giant diesel truck next door,
    I know it’s cold, but starting your truck and letting it run for an hour is not going to make it any warmer outside. Well, it will, but the process of global climate change is a little slower then your trucks heater

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